Boundaries are a Western Concept... Why?
Boundaries are a Western concept, let’s start there. If, like me you come from a global majority background and identify as a first or second-generation immigrant there were no such thing as boundaries growing up.
In fact, being in each other's business is something many of us pride or have previously prided ourselves on. Maybe you only learnt the concept of a boundary in the last decade and when the language started coming out around boundaries you thought “that doesn’t relate to me”.
And why didn’t we think it related to us?
Research shows that ethnic minorities (I prefer the term global majority) tend to live close to other members of the same group. This applies both to recently arrived migrants as well as to their children born and raised in the UK.
Practically, this means we live in community. Black and Brown communities are known globally to live and thrive in community. I hear about my grandma and dads life in Kenya, where everyone would come to the “farya”, playing sports, gossiping, being in each others business. They had nicknames for everyone in the village. When my parents and grandparents came to the UK, they stayed with family, friends until they got themselves settled. When my mum immigrated to the UK, they stayed with relatives. 10+ people in a home maybe. You were sponsored often by family, extended family to come to the UK and you lived with them until you found your feet. When they moved, they moved close-by, when they moved again, they moved to areas that “welcomed” immigrant families. Does this resonate with any of you?
We all know the hostility that Black and Brown communities faced in the UK in the 60s/70s/80s (and continue to in different ways than they did then). Our communities stuck together and lent on each other against an outside world that was hostile. It might not be that you individually had a huge family or were part of a huge community here, but you will have had your mum’s one friend or family friends, or your “nuclear” family bubble who lent on each other.
Community meant people in and out the house, pop in pop out culture, it meant and continues to mean being there in the good and bad times. It means it’s a culture that is known to our parents, ancestors and that we inherit and are conditioned by it. For me, I just thought it was normal to have people in my house all the time. I genuinely thought, until 18 years old (as I was not allowed to sleepover at anyones homes until then) that everyone lived this way - truly. I remember going to my now husbands home the first few times (he’s English) and nobody was rushing or speaking to a million people. It was such a bizarre concept to me. Peacefulness was a bizarre concept to me.
I think it’s a beautiful part of our culture by the way - community. It is something I advocate for and a reason why I always wanted to create community around Level Up. To have support and care rooted in shared values. And, at the same time, I do believe that the challenges we face as first and second generation immigrants around boundary setting is because of the conditioning many of us have faced as it pertains to our ideas, upbringings and ancestral histories of community.
It means, that much of our identity as women of colour, is rooted in caring about others in the community (again, something to be proud of) however a by-product of this is the conditioning of what others in the community think about you, your decisions and your actions. Women of Colour are known to be upholders of community - often older Black women are characterised as matriarchs of their families and communities.
And this has often been, at the detriment of women’s own health and wellness. Who has seen the instagram quote “I have never known a rested woman”?
Thus, setting boundaries isn’t just hard it goes against what we have historically known culturally. It means that part of what we are doing is breaking cultural and generational norms. These were often the norm because they came from a place of survival. For those of you who this lands with, we are no longer just surviving, our parents, grandparents and maybe you yourself, made sacrifices for a better life. And whilst that “better life” in their mind will have been financial for some, safety for others - what we know now is that it also means we can feel better mentally, energetically, spiritually. That we can be our best, do our best, show up feeling our best when our energy is balanced and not depleted. And doing that, requires boundaries.
Stay tuned for next month’s newsletter for further insights and some coaching tools to support you in guilt-free boundary setting. I’ll also share anonymously some reflections from Level Ups upcoming empower hour on Navigating Boundaries as Women of Colour.
Recent Client Reviews - this is such a beautiful review. Clients do the bulk of the work by the way. I create the space and tools for you to do the work. It’s an honour and a joy. Thank you to this beaut and brilliant clients for trusting me on your personal development journey!
Working with Trisha has changed my life! Before coaching I was unclear about where I was and where I wanted to be. Trisha’s questions and exercises mixed with her compassion and patience helped me identify my values and visualise my dreams. Trisha always held a safe space to be vulnerable and real, and adapted each session to meet and hold me where I was. I felt like I could expand myself in our sessions. I’d always struggled with recognising my purpose in a tangible way - working with Trisha I was finally able to pinpoint mine on multiple levels.
Through the practical tools she gave, I found the physical manifestation of that purpose in a specific line of healing work. I applied for, was accepted onto, and have started the first stages of a 5 year training course to become a qualified and accredited Transpersonal Psychotherapist. I truly believe I’m called to this work and I thank Trisha for helping me clear the noise so I could hear! This is huge for me; I felt stuck before but now I can see such an expansive future for myself. My ‘Purpose Finder’ Venn diagram from one of our sessions is on my wall to remind me exactly how my dreams align with my strengths and skillsets. Trisha is an incredible coach. She created a transformative experience that helped me see myself in a different light - I would love to work with her again in the future! 10/10 recommend! - Rhianna Steadford, 2024
What else we’ve been up to:
An organisation I really love is BeLeve Foundation who run mentoring programmes for young women in the UK. I recently delivered a session on Personal Brand and CV for mentees of the BeLeve Foundation @ Amazon HQ.
If you or your organisation would be interested in a workshop on personal brand or any other personal development workshops - please get in touch with me.
P.s. I know some of you have a disdain for the term “personal brand”. I’ll get into Level Ups approach and view on personal brand in another newsletter. Essentially though, think of it as “What makes me a BAD B” ;)
What we have coming up:
The Level Up London Community is booked and busy this month! Our next events are as follows:
Monday 13th May: Level Up London Empower Hour on Navigating the Impact of Boundaries as Women of Colour - online
Wednesday 15th May: Level Up London Outing to Ballet Black: Heroes where Level Up Community Member Christina McDougall is the Assistant Producer
Saturday 1st June: Level Up London Outing to Play “Swim Aunty Swim”, by Siana Bangura another Level Up Community Member!
We are really excited to support our community members in their work. If you identify as a Woman of Colour and would like to be a part of this community please get in touch with me. If you are a community member that would like to showcase your work, please let me know.
Other things to shout about:
I recently had a Hogan Leadership Assessment Session with Dr. Lateesha Osbourne. I highly recommend to all in the Level Up Community and Network. The session has allowed me to understand my strengths as a leader, where I can utilise my personality traits more and course, areas to work on. You can find a detailed blurb here to find out more.
If you would like to find out more about Level Up’s growing community or if you’re interested in Life Coaching please book a chat with me today.
Until Next Month, Sending You Warmth & Love,
Trisha Chauhan-Baiden, Level Up London
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